Thank-you for your posts on this subject of fears about teaching.

It's been something that's been troubling my mind and heart for several months
now, so it's great to see that I'm not the only one who has doubts.

I have been teaching and practicing KY for about 2 and a half years now.
I always have very loving comments and feedbacks about my classes.

My teacher's training for Kundalini Yoga was a fantastic and transforming one
year course. To celebrate the completion of the training we had a ceremony with
a guest speaker, who was asked if he had any advice for us as new teachers. His
advice was that through our own personal transformation and practice would come
the depth of our teaching and sharing.

I know that there are some things that I know. Some intellectual knowledge and
others more heart-felt universal truths. So when I teach a class I try to stay
in my heart center and share from my own experience. But having only been
practicing (in this lifetime) for two and a half years I sometimes become
overwhelmed by the fact that I feel like I don't really know anything at all in
the grand scheme of things, or at least only a very little bit. It's like the
more I learn the more I realize how little I know! :+) It is at the same time
a blessing and a curse to have the awareness that most of what you know is at
the best incomplete!

Could anyone suggest, How, as a fairly new teacher I should approach this
feeling of not knowing enough yet?

The second aspect that can trouble my teaching is when I am going through rough
patches in my personal life / practice.

For example, I have, as of yesterday, just COMPLETED MY FIRST 40 SADHANA OF
KIRTAN KRIYA!!! Yeah!!! (excuse the excitement, but it's great to share, and
feels good to have committed myself to something and achieved it!)

The only slight drawback is that sooooo much came up during the 40 day practice.
And I found that this turbulance in my own practice made me pose myself the
question, if I can't manage my own practice smoothly how on earth can I help
others with theirs????

My experience with Kirtan Kriya was intense and varied. Days where I felt like
jumping out of my skin, getting up and running around and shouting, or
alternatively struggling to get my voice out through the tears, or nicer times
when I felt like my body was being held up effortlessly by an loving presence
(this happened on the night of the full moon).

During the course of this meditation there were a couple of days where I didn't
practice my own morning yoga sadhana because I fell into a deep depression, and
got onto my yoga rug but then couldn't bare to move my body because it felt too
awful. When we move our bodies we are also moving about the emotions being held
in our bodies, and I guess I didn't want to feel or be aware of my troubled
state. I then lost my desire to leave the house and be in contact with people,
I just wanted to stay very still.

Now that I have finished the 40 days, I feel a little more balanced, but I have
decided to continue, because I feel like there are more layers of muck to be
washed away.

So in a nutshell. I am aware that KY is a process, and that even though there
are dark storm clouds, the sun and blue sky is always there, it's just that
temporarily it's hidden from our view.

So as teachers (and students, since I feel I am very much still a student too)
when challenging times come in our own lives, when we feel down, weak or lose
our faith in our practice because we're riding out a storm, how do we stay
optimistic for others and out students?

Sat Nam and heart-felt blessings to all on the path!!!

Krishan Shiva Kaur x

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